Why “just stop thinking about them” backfires
Actively trying to suppress a thought keeps it activated rather than letting it fade — you end up monitoring for the thought in order to avoid it, which means you're thinking about it constantly in order not to think about it.
What actually reduces the frequency
Reducing exposure to triggers (see our guide on social media after a breakup) does more than willpower alone. Giving the thought somewhere to go — writing it down instead of turning it over silently — tends to shorten how long it lingers each time it shows up.
The frequency naturally decreases with time and consistency, not through effort to suppress it. Lally et al.'s (2010) roughly 66-day timeline for new patterns to feel automatic applies here too — this is a pattern that fades with consistent non-reinforcement, not with force.
Give the thought somewhere to land.
The private Journal in No Contact 40 Days gives intrusive thoughts about your ex a place to go that isn't looping in your head.
Get the app on the App StoreCommon questions
Is it bad that I still think about them daily?
Not inherently, especially in the earlier weeks — the goal is a gradual decrease in frequency and intensity, not zero thoughts by some deadline.
Does distraction help?
Short-term, yes, as one tool among several — but constant distraction with no space to process at all tends to just delay the same thoughts rather than resolve them.
No Contact 40 Days is a personal-motivation and self-improvement tool. It is not therapy or medical or mental-health advice, and it is not a substitute for professional care. If you're struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or a local support line.