Why the signals are actually mixed
Someone who hasn't made a clear decision about what they want will naturally behave inconsistently — warm when they're missing the relationship, distant when they're not. The inconsistency is often an accurate reflection of their own uncertainty, not a strategy aimed at you.
Why chasing consistency here rarely works
Trying to pin down consistent behavior from someone who's genuinely unresolved is trying to solve a problem that isn't yours to solve. The more productive move is deciding what you need regardless of what they eventually land on.
Give yourself something steady while they figure it out.
No Contact 40 Days gives you a steady, visible marker of your own — your streak — while everything else feels unpredictable.
Get the app on the App StoreCommon questions
Are mixed signals a form of manipulation?
Sometimes, but often it's just genuine ambivalence rather than a deliberate tactic — the effect on you can be the same either way, which is why the response (protecting your own clarity) doesn't really change.
Should I ask my ex to clarify what they want?
You can, but be prepared for the honest answer to be “I don't know” — and to decide in advance how you'll handle that answer.
No Contact 40 Days is a personal-motivation and self-improvement tool. It is not therapy or medical or mental-health advice, and it is not a substitute for professional care. If you're struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or a local support line.