What modified no contact means here
Contact only about the children. Specific, logistical, brief. No personal conversation, no updates on how you're doing, no emotional content beyond what's necessary to coordinate custody and their wellbeing. This sounds clinical — it has to be, for a while, to actually work.
Many co-parents find that using a dedicated app for custody communication (OurFamilyWizard, TalkingParents, or even email-only) is helpful because it creates a functional container that keeps the channel from expanding.
The limit you're protecting
What you're trying to recreate — the thing no contact actually does — is ending the loop of emotional exposure and re-triggering. You can't end all contact, but you can end the part that isn't logistically necessary.
That means resisting the urge to share things beyond the scope of co-parenting: life updates, emotional content, interpretations of what they're doing or feeling. Keep the channel functional and limited.
For your own recovery
The emotional work still has to happen somewhere — journal, private app, trusted people in your life. The co-parenting channel is the wrong place to process the breakup, for your sake and your children's.
Do the personal work privately.
No Contact 40 Days keeps your streak and emotional processing completely separate from any shared communication with your ex.
Get the app — free to tryCommon questions
Do I still count days if I have to talk to them about the kids?
Yes — no contact in this context means personal emotional contact, not the bare minimum of co-parenting logistics. Your streak isn't broken by a necessary text about pickup time.
What if they use the kids as a reason to stay in contact beyond logistics?
Set the boundary clearly and redirect: “I'm happy to discuss anything about the kids, but this isn't a topic I'm available to talk about right now.” Then hold it.
No Contact 40 Days is a personal-motivation and self-improvement tool. It is not therapy or medical or mental-health advice, and it is not a substitute for professional care. If you're struggling, please reach out to a qualified professional or a local support line.